Hope

Four Years Sober, again…

So, what’s going on with me at four years sober and eighteen months out of prison? I have so much to be grateful for and yet that fades as time goes by. I do attempt to live in gratitude every day by remembering where I came from not so long ago. Some recovery alcoholics/addicts say “Yet” but most of the horrible addiction fates have come true for me. Yet, here I am! lol

I have been attempting to clean up the wreckage of my past, and have made a lot of progress on making amends to people that I have harmed. For my family, I know it will be continual amends of me staying sober until their fear of me relapsing fades over time. They still startle easily when I am down and always encourage me that I have come so far. I love them all so, that when I think of my relationships with them that it reminds me that I have so much to live for.

I needed wheels when I came home, but I had no money. My sweet mother made me a loan and God found me that perfect car. This month will be the last payment that I owe mom and we are both very proud of me!

When I reappeared in society, after blowing up my life, my credit score was in the low four hundred’s. Slowly over the last months, I have worked diligently and been able to raise it to the low six hundred’s and it’s still climbing.

Everything seems to be moving along smoothly, yet some days I am sad, I mourn my old life. I miss living with my kids, my dog, in our home, the hustle, and bustle of it all. My life is so much quieter and simpler, I suppose that should make me feel peaceful and sometimes it does, however, mostly it makes me feel lonely. It also reminds that I have so very much to lose and that while I rebuild, not to forget that.