What I learned about Sin and Hell prevented me from having a Loving and Trusting relationship with God. How could I ever trust a God that condemned his favorite Angel to Hell, surely I would be doomed as well and I knew what was “down there.”
When he was called on to share, he was startled and as he began to talk, he shook; as did I when I began my recovery journey. Being asked to share was frightening enough, but not being called on was almost worse.
I see the words “God, as I understand HIM” and my eyes light up as I smile I broadly because I do understand just how much He loves me and I hear the word God and I feel warm and protected and I absolutely know that He is and all that He is.
5. Help Someone – You mean instead of myself? I didn’t want to waste my time going to that recovery center and listening to those girls go on and on sharing their pasts. I was too busy for that and I had much better things to do! But, I did it, like or not and something began to happened to me every time I went, I began to feel useful for the first time in my life.
I had a therapist that suggested that being sober was equivalent to someone telling me to be Russian today. It was as foreign to me as being a different nationality. Every day was like walking on Shattered Glass, I felt like the foundation of my existence, so tentative, could cave at any moment.
She reminds me of the other side of me. She is the drunk for my sober, the despair for my joy, the dark side of my light that shines so bright, and she is the evil side of my grace.